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get ready for re-ignition. March 9, 2009

Posted by Victoria Fredericks in music ♥, Personal.
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This is just a post to announce, and mostly remind myself: I have to work on this blog more! I’ve mostly been doing my day-to-day venting at xanga and livejournal but I’m itching to share things to more people (read: not necessarily my inner-most thoughts, but just things I find cool or interesting or inspiring, photography, poems, lyrics, music, you get it). 

Working 45+ hours a week and having so little free time has been kicking my ass, and I’ve been spending my free time with my (new-ish) boyfriend, Tye of Forging Reverie, with whom I’m madly in love. I’ve been helping him with merch at the past couple of shows, which I’m really excited about.

In February they were in the studio recording their news song, One Idea (to be used in a compilation benefitting the Dover Children’s Home). I was lucky enough to catch some of the action myself and it was truly amazing to watch. This is their first video blog, the first of many to come:

I’ve become quite attached to these guys and have been happily supporting them, especially my beautiful and wonderful boyfriend.

I’m also hoping that winter is on its way out; we’ve had far too much icky snow for my liking and I’m not alone. This past weekend we had a taste of warmer temperatures. I’m taking it as a sign that the best is yet to come.

This won’t be the last post for multiple weeks-months–promise!

a neighbor January 28, 2009

Posted by Victoria Fredericks in Notes, Personal, Writing.
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I [almost] never go out of my way to talk to my neighbors. It’s forced awkwardness, you can’t really get away from each other anyway, and usually they’re people you wouldn’t normally associate with. I can’t imagine it any other way; you’d just be too lucky to move in next to people as rad as you. My downstairs neighbor told me yesterday she’s moving out in about a week. I’ve lost track of how long she’s been here; not as long as me, but she is the nicest neighbor I can remember having, and I have enjoyed the vague separate togetherness that comes with sharing adjacent apartments.

It’s interesting, in a voyeuristic, Rear Window kind of a way, all that your neighbors can find out about you, and you them, from only the outside in. I draw my shades almost all the way, but imagine, as my boyfriend does, that the moment we’re undressed, the folks in the house across the street are peering in, glimpsing skin, and settling in for a free peep show. People in their homes are so unguarded, so candid. In today’s world of reality TV and documentaries covering every dishy drama imaginable, one can’t help but wonder what’s really going on in these houses and apartments. 

In the past couple of years I’ve lived in this impossibly tiny, quaint, cozy little niche of an apartment, my love life has ebbed and flowed dramatically. All my neighbors saw was a series of assorted cars, parked or picking up, me leaving Friday nights schlepping home midday on Sunday in oversized t-shirts. Then the ordinary, lugging laundry baskets and environmentally-friendly totes filled with groceries. And then there’s what they’ve heard, or maybe what I hoped they didn’t…

Through the muck and mire, day-to-day, season-to-season, we learn about each other in indirect ways–in passing or emergency only. I learn she is in an abusive relationship. They have loud, frequent fights that devastate the buoyant karma of my living space. I wish all the time that she’d get out, because she’s been nothing but nice to me and I know how hard it must be. I wish for myself to find someone worthy of sticking around, at least for awhile. 

So in the end, we both have what we want. He is gone and mine is here. His head is resting on the small of my back, and he helps me clear my car off on snowy mornings before work. Neighbor notices this, remarks how special he must be if he’s won my affections. I say this is questionable since I’ve been a real handful, but he is pretty much amazing. She’s building up the confidence she’s lost from ten painful years, and starting a new life. She’s got a house on the lake and her dog for company. She’s taking the hope on her face with her, a priceless thing.

summer poem July 20, 2008

Posted by Victoria Fredericks in Personal, Poetry, Writing.
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the sky’s milk white
my hands around my coffee cup
–my little hands and dirty nails,
the days are longer
and I not quite as strong
as when ice glazed my world.
I count the days in pairs of pantyhose
and I still cross the streets with care
you see, for me it’s still May.

but darling,
there is no consolation,
only ashes from my cigarette,
the stars look burned
the amethyst sunset’s nothing for me.
the world a lonely carousel,
again I’m unprepared.
all I want is stronger flesh,
instead I have a series of
serrations against the wall of myself
and what I feel

glory of retrospect July 13, 2008

Posted by Victoria Fredericks in Dating/Relationships, Notes, Personal.
1 comment so far

It’s true that we are the sum of our experiences. If I’ve learned anything in the past couple of years, it’s that life’s too short to live the same day twice. I’ve been to extreme highs and lows. I’ve swollen with arrogance and I’ve sunk with depression. Either way, it’s a thrilling feeling just to be alive. I find it hard to be overly bitter when cutting my losses. I’ve got some fond memories of some fantastic people who have all had a hand in sculpting the me I am, and the me I hope to someday be.

This goes out to countless people in specific, but no one in particular: Thank you…for teaching me not to get attached…for seeing the beauty in the unexpected…for learning how to let things go…for wining and dining me…for being a best friend…for holding me the way that you did…for duct tape…for mending me…for bruising me…for the song…for the dance…for picking me up…for the yellow balloon…for the best advice I ever received…for camping in…for the hit…for the journey…for showing me your world.

Fucking up is part of the beauty, because in the end it all works out. I look back and I think “ah. I get it now.” I’m a puzzle that even I can’t solve sometimes, but I know immediately when I like something/someone or not. Takes time to get good. I have had to maintain my strength even when it kills…but you absolutely can’t give up. I’ll always get back up, I’ll never dwell in failure or fear. “I fight every day.” (Thank you.)

we drank the ocean dry June 15, 2008

Posted by Victoria Fredericks in Icons, Inspiration, Lyrics, Personal.
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Some hearts just get lucky sometimes.

All this beauty;
You might have to close your eyes
And slowly open wide
All this beauty;
We traveled all night
We drank the ocean dry
And watched the sun rise…

You can ask about it
But nobody knows the way
No bread-crumb trail
To follow through your days
It takes an axe sometimes
A feather in the sunshine
And bad weather
It’s a matter of getting deeper in
Anyway you can

All this beauty;
You might have to close your eyes
And slowly open wide
All this beauty;
We traveled all night
We drank the ocean dry
And watched the sun rise…

I can see you’re new, awake
Let me assure you, friend
Every day is ice cream and chocolate cake
And what you make of it
Let me just say
You get what you take
From it, so be amazed
Whenever you stop…
You gotta be brave

All this beauty;
You might have to close your eyes
And slowly open wide
And watch the sun rise

-The Weepies

“Be patient toward all that is unsolved in your heart and try to love the questions themselves. Do not now seek the answers, which cannot be given you because you would not be able to live them. And the point is to live everything. Live the questions.”
– Rainer Maria Rilke

me, myself, and Carrie Bradshaw May 24, 2008

Posted by Victoria Fredericks in Culture, Dating/Relationships, Personal, Television, Uncategorized.
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My personal love affair with a fictional icon

Her name has become synonymous with style and the chic, single-girl lifestyle. She represents the new woman’s funny, sharp, likable everygirl. She’s Carrie Bradshaw, possibly one of the most influential fictional characters to ever influence a generation. Sex and the City played a huge role in revolutionizing the way America views single women; presenting the idea that we do not have to be programmed primarily to achieve the cookie-cutter life targets we’ve been told we should reach for so long (marriage, house, baby, etc). Instead, the bachelorette cherishes single life, independence and freedom. The major storylines in the show, however, do center on not whether or not the characters do in fact marry, have children, or even serious relationships, but how they do it–without losing their sense of self. Being single is not the key, a sense of self is, and Carrie Bradshaw leads the way.

Along with many other women around the world, I have always identified with Carrie. She’s all about opening your heart and your mind at the same time. She’s witty, she’s sharp, she’s sexy–but all in a very accessible, believable way. Mine and Carrie’s “storylines” have coincided as I have watched and re-watched the show and begun to experience my single life as a young woman. While I’m not near my thirties yet, I still feel the inevitable pull from older influences–and society in general–to “settle down,” whatever that means. For Carrie and I, marriage and “happily ever after” is not the be-all, end-all in life. And just like Carrie, I’m a career-focused girl but not necessarily as schooled or as driven as the other three women on the show.

I feel akin to Carrie in many ways. She smokes and drinks and has had a fair helping of casual dating and one-night-stands, but at the end of the day, she’s an old-fashioned girl. She believes in the One, she believes in romance, and most of all, she believes in love. She’s sentimental and reflective. All women are complex, but I relate to Carrie a lot in this way too–her needs and feelings are often conflicted and result in charged and sometimes difficult relationships with men. She’s had to know when to walk away, and it’s bittersweet; especially in her second breakup with Aidan, whom she truly loved and respected, but it just didn’t work, and she couldn’t be what he wanted her to be. It’s never easy to strike a balance. Not just anyone will do. Mischiko Kakutani accused Carrie of “disposing” of men when she reviewed her book in Season Five; I’ve had many of my older friends and colleagues say the same thing to me. But I digress: When searching for a soulmate, one can never be too picky. And so continues the endless search. Carrie was looking for love, real love. “Ridiculous, consuming, can’t live without each other love.” And she found it, as we all hoped and predicted–in Mr. Big.

It’s easy to make a sweeping judgment of the carefree single girl–Carrie and myself included–and throw out terms like “promiscuous” and the like. Aside from the ludicrous societal double-standard, I like to believe that I’ve maintained a moral compass. You can’t look back, you can only learn. Carrie is flawed. I am flawed. We trip over things, we can’t (don’t?) cook, have messy apartments and high credit card bills due to an unshakable shopping addiction. But she’s real–still fictional–but that’s what makes the show so amazing. The writers really, really made Carrie real and relatable to all of us. We can look at her and say: “I’m her.”

tagged… March 19, 2008

Posted by Victoria Fredericks in Personal.
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…by the beautiful and talented Sophie. Seven random tidbits about yours truly. Aren’t you excited?!

1. The most romantic date for me is a lovely, quiet, candlelit dinner, followed by a walk on the beach. I live close to the ocean, and it’s such an important thing to me, I doubt I could ever move to a non-coast-adjacent state. I don’t care how cliche it is, either…

2. My favorite restaurant is Viola V’s in my home city of Rochester. Their Masterpiece Marsala is to die…well, everything on their menu is awesome. Plus it’s got the best atmosphere (they have the coolest artwork and paintings, Christmas lights year-round, wrought-iron chairs)…and it’s underrated and offbeat in location (next to the DMV!), so it’s never that crowded. Any excuse I get to go there, I jump at it!

3. Lately I can’t get enough of The Weepies. I have loved folk music since my mom got me listening to Peter, Paul and Mary when I was just a tot. I’m in love with the song “Gotta Have You” right now, it’s so simple and sweet, but so meaningful at the same time.

4. I love horseback riding. If I could, I would go all the time.

5. I’m a big believer in astrology and the zodiac…I’m a Leo through and through.

6. I’m a hardcore bargain shopper. I rarely buy clothes or shoes full price unless they’re crazy cheap to begin with, or in the rare case that I have to have it and am afraid it will disappear if I don’t buy it immediately. I think it has to do with me being young, working, and perpetually broke, but I make straight for the clearance racks. My friends get annoyed because I’ll pick through racks for a really long time–you find the best stuff on clearance sometimes.

7. I don’t cook very often…but my “ideal” self is always preparing gourmet meals. Someday I’d love to have a great kitchen and whip up culinary delights on a nightly basis, and wow the pants off some lucky man.